Wow, busy girl, as always.  That sucks that you didn't get to spend much time with Zach.  At least you got a good little work out!

Thanks for your comment.  I understand why you love Zach so much... Some people are just spoiled, haha.  And you're right, Casey is innocent until proven guilty :-)

Hope you get a break soon, girlie.  You're always so busy with work and school, you deserve a break.
-Alisha-

Sorry you're feeling so low.

I can't imagine being a math major!  I really do not like math, and I've never really been all that good at it (except algebra... I loved algebra).  I just can't imagine dealing with numbers all day.  I don't think I have the patience or the mental capacity for that!  Lol.

That was bullshit for Zach to ask you if you're always gonna be broke.  He obviously makes more money than you, so what's his problem with having to pay for dinner dates and such?  If he wants to live that lifestyle, he needs to be a gentleman and pay for it!  You shouldn't be responsible for that.  You're already very responsible, and financially supporting yourself at 18 years old is really hard!  He needs to give you a break and quit bitchin!  Lol.

Alright, rant over.
Thanks for your comment :-)
-Alisha-

Thanks for your  comment and I hope things get  better for you.

Chad

You're so busy!  I usually love being busy but damn, girl, that's a whole lot of shit going on in your world!  Hang in there, Wonder Woman.  Lol.

-Alisha-

Wow you're busy girl!
Good luck with the jobs. Sounds like a lot of work.
HOpefully you and zach find the time for each other.
you guys have been through a lot. It would suck to loose all that bc of time. I really do wish you the best of luck.
=]

thank you for the comment. And you are completly right!
take care and try to update as much as possible
i miss hearin from ya

~cassidy~

Hey, girlie...

Just ignore XTheXWildXRos..x.  That person is just f*cked in the head.  You're beautiful and loved, and you don't need to listen to those assholes :-)

Sorry about your nightmare.  That's good you had your hunny there to comfort you...
Good job on the weightloss.

-Alisha-

Ur hair sounds really awesome
you should post pics of it soon!
glad you and zach are working out now =]
nightmares sucks, good thing zach was there! haha

well take care!
~cassidy~

Ur hair sounds really awesome
you should post pics of it soon!
glad you and zach are working out now =]
nightmares sucks, good thing zach was there! haha

well take care!
~cassidy~

Ur hair sounds really awesome
you should post pics of it soon!
glad you and zach are working out now =]
nightmares sucks, good thing zach was there! haha

well take care!
~cassidy~

I'm sorry things are going so rough
Zach should really try and be a bit more understanding.
please try not to cut yourself
i know how hard it is to stop. But it is really bad and your better than that.
I really hope things start to work better
and you can be happy again
=]

take care
~cassidy~

I liked the first paragraph of your entry. I'm sorry to hear about your job. I did bare my soul to her, that was the reply. It's my fault, I'm the one who got scared and ran, I hurt her, apparently worse than I thought. It's been a long time since someone's cried because of me. That ducked me up. Thanks for the comment. Take care.

Chad

Good luck with everything.

Chad

Today is L2G's regular Monday weigh-in.

Sorry about my absence lately, but I'm back now.

This poem is about a current relationship I'm in in which phone contact is limited because she says her parents eavesdrop(She's 36, keep in mind) We haven't even met face to face yet and all I've gotten so far is brief e-mails and phone calls. I need more than that. The sec ond part is about a girl whose sincerity I doubted, I broke all ties with her and turned my back on her. Big mistake. She's lives in Ohio. If she said she was going to be "there" she was. If she said she was going to call, she did. I blew what could've have been the beginning of something good because I got scared. WE're talking now, but it will be very hard, nearly impossible to get back what was lost. I didn't know how much she cared until now. No, I'm not cheating, even though it would seem like that ,her and I are friends trying to decide if it's worth repairing the damage. I hope that makes things a little clearer for you.

Chad

I'm sorry you and Zach are having problems. Congrats on the scholarship. Thank you for your comment. I'm assuming you mean changing my life for my ex. When you meet the person who seems to be your soulmate, you'll understand, she changed her life for me too, of her own choosing. She stopped hanging around the drugs and drinking crowd because she knew I was a recovering alcoholic. Looking back though, I guess I was wrong about her being my soulmate though. It seemed right at the time. Take care.

Chad

i'm sorry things are going rough with your boyfriend.
but that's cool about the scholarship. :]
idk if i'll ever feel better about myself.
but thank you for saying that.

-JV

Sorry you and Zach are having it rough right now... he's probably oblivious to the fact that you want his attention, you know.  Guys are morons like that :-)

That's awesome you got the scholarship, freaking yay!  At least you've got the money stress situation out of the way.

-Alisha-

Awe I"m sorry things are going so bad.
I don't think zach is trying to upset you. I'm sure he's just concerend and curious about what happened and wants to be sure you're safe.
I know it really sucks to be questioned about it...usually why i don't tell anyone unless i really need to. But He doesn't understand how it feels so he doesn't know what's ok and not ok to ask.
just hang in there and it'll all be alright =]
Sorry about your tests, but i'm sure you'll do alright on your next ones.

much love
~cassidy~

Thanks,

We aren't always the most tactful people on earth, that's about all I can say about a guys mind.

It doesn't sound like you're screwed. Zach sounded like he was very supportive and understanding and school and money problems will work out. Have a nice time at dinner. Take care.

Chad

I wish you the best of luck with paying everything that needs to be paid, your jobs, and your boyfriend! :D

Tasha (:  

wow. uare seiosuly amazing tha u can balance al lthat. and imsre ulol get the job:) im glad uand zach are happy, and its good that uhave a freind lookign out for you:)

that is really unfair that they break their promsie like that. what about a job to help u get money quick? like odd jobs or babysitting for friends? good luck!!:)

Samantha......I wish I could type your full name, because as you know, it's a beautiful name.

Sammi.....I love you too.  I have for a long time.  I hope you know that by now. 

And you still can, and always can talk to me.  I'm sorry about the private thing.....I can't get around it.  And I know I can barely talk anymore (ok, I haven't called in a long time).  But I do think about you all the time, and don't want to lose you.  I just have to be careful.  Sweetie, I told you I'd always be here for you, and I know I haven't been around for awhile and for that I'm sorry.  But I'm still here.  And you still are one of the sweetest girls I've ever known.  Send me an email Sammie......

I like it Sammi (the tattoo).

And I guess it has been awhile since I talked to you.  The cancerous cells?  Surgery?  Is that what was causing you all that sickness and faint feeling?  And is it ok now?

You're looking good Sammi, I like the hair getting long.

So....you're in West Virginia? 

Anyway, I haven't read many of your recent entries and haven't talked to you in a long time.  What's up with you, and how are things going?  Why don't you email me....at true.insanity@yahoo.com (same one). 

I miss you sweetie.

Take that ducker (Matt) to court, Sammi. 

Do you know who I am?  Think about it....I've been gone for awhile, and I miss you.

And hey....excellent job on your grades....I always knew you were a smart one.

Check out the latest L2G updates for weight loss tips from America's Next Top Model winner Adrianna Curry. 

Come weigh-in for the New Year and fill out your own New Year's Resolutions survey. 

Also, check on the current member list and make sure all your information is correct.  I will make an necessary updates.

The Thanksgiving-New Year's teams are over with, and I am in the process of establishing new ones.  Any personal requests may be left on the L2G diary and I'd be happy to group you with a friend. 

Hope to see you around L2G soon... let's make 2009 the best year yet!

*if you want to stop receiving these updates, leave a note on the L2G diary

Your welcome! and thanks!!

Haha who doesn't love Taylor Swift?

Tasha (:

Thanks for your comment. Don't worry, the four weeks will go quickly. Take care.

Chad

Oh good job with your grades!!!! (:

Tasha

Congrats on making the Dean's List. I'm glad you weren't hurt in the car accident. Take care.

Chad

Congrats on the grades.  Is your major Elementary Education?  I go to school completely online and they will arange the student teaching with a local school. 

[thatpotsmokinghippy]

Thanks for your comment and congrats on finding a new boyfriend.

Chad

ahhhh so happy bout zach!!! girl if u fcking cheat on him i will run ma ass up 2 ohio and slap the shit outta u lolz..anytime u think u might cheat..just imagine how amazing hes been 2 u...neways im glad u 2 waited till u were 2gether 2 have s..x! that was sweet of him not 2 pressure u =D

and dam ur good at math!? luckkkyy! i suck so bad at it its not even funny..

and yes i noe i dont need a bf..but lately ive been having alot of those moments when its lik i just want someone to holdd me an appreciate me more than the rest..my height makes it so difficult 2 get a guy grrr =/

talk 2 ya soonn X0

ohh man...i havent been on in a while..buh i just re-read all ur entries so im caught upp

newayssss...AHHH!!! u have an official bf!!! so cute...and if he makes u that horny..then..thats awesome cause ur really attracted 2 him that meanss haha

sorry bout what happened..when u guys were fooling around and u got scared...if u dont mind me asking what did he do that reminded u of it?

also..4get bout tht guy moe..dont chill around him nemore tho..an if u do..make sure he knows u got a bf..last thing u wanna do is ruin how amazing u and zach are!!

oh and last thing.maybe u should tell him bout ur past? or just some of it..like maybe tell him theres alot more u dont know about me..but tht will come in time..an then just tell him only bout the rape..ya noe?

arrite well much loveeee & respect<3

Thanks for your comment. Talking about something doesn't make you a weak person but I understand. Take care.

Chad

YAY!!!
Ah ur going out with Zach!

Wooo i'm so happy for you. Zach seems like a great person for you. Some one you can really have a realationship with.
good job on your school stuff too!
THat's really good

hope things keep going well for u!
~cassidy~

No one can suck at life. Maybe you need to slow down. Like when you meet guys and stuff.

Take care

yay you and zach2
i've always liked him
he' seems so great for you and look how happy you are with him!
I hope things continue going well between you two
glad you had such a "fun" night
lmao
take care girl!

~cassidy~

Thanks, I appreciate the compliment. Talk to you soon.

Chad

Thank you. I'm glad you and Zach had a good time. Take care. I hope you like the next poem, I think it sucked.

Chad

you're cute! too bad i'm much older than you, i'd do you in a heart-beat!

Just wanted to let you know I added you to my favorites =)

And I LOVE the tat!

haha its all good..now i know what u were hiding from me!! haha heyy i just look at these pics on facebook like an hour ago!!! yayy 4 facebook

glad u and zach r working! haa when one zach fails try the next =D

much loveee

I agree with all the below.
Don't let that jerk bring you down.
YOu've been doing so well.
He's not worth it to ruin ur happiness.
Glad you had a good time with Zach2
He sounds like such a good guy, and i think it's great that ur spending a lot of time with him. He seems a lot different than the other guys you've been with.
It seems he's interested in a real realationship with you and isn't all about s..x and what not.

Good luck girl!

~cassidy~

ahhhhh im lovin your attitudeee latelyyyy =D

awesomeee haha and a.... is only good if ur relaxed!!!! its one of my bestiess favorite things 2 do..whens relaxed that is..it cant b rushed haha so i meann hey if u wanna try it why not..buh don let the guy b some kiinda psyco!

A totally agree with "lantern" as well.
And you're having fun and you deserve it.
i still like Zach 2 though =p
But still
good luck finding that one special boy

much love

~cassidy~

I know it's been a while, but in response to your last comment on my entry...thank you (=

<3

Andy knows i like him.

he told me he likes me too

we hang out all the time and kiss and stuff.  he just ahhhhh idk.

i'm totally confused.

Glad your looking for that right guy though. good luck and i'm sure you'll find a great guy for you. and some one that treats u right.

~cassidy~

Glad you had such an amazing guy.

the guy u were with sounded sweet.

but don't u think maybe you should try to stick to one?

i know right now it's fine because you're trying to fine that one. but later maybe you try to consider just being with one guy for awhile.  And that's good you decided to get out of zach1 he's an ass.

Hope you have fun with zach2, i personally like him the best so far. He seemed the most kind and better for a relationship. But who ever you decided i hope it all goes well for you!

~cassidy~

Oh hope everything goes well tonight with zach2

he seems nice. and just remember if things do not work out with zach2 maybe things will go better with jared or JD.

you never know. So keep a bright attitude and things should go well.

=]

sorry about ur industrial bar. Sounds like it hurt!

good luck

~cassidy~

Yeahh i know hwat you mean it wouldnt let me say anything to you either!! :/

Grr.

Stupid yahoo :]

[CroatianBrat]

im like screaming with proudness right now. yay ur eyes are opening!!!find someone who loves you and desrves u and isnt  ajerk and moody!!!

ily and thnak you for your somment:)

Yay good job not going! I think that's what is best.

And hopefully one of these three can make you happy

and help you get over Zach1 and help you stop being depressed over him because you're right it is NOT good for you. and you deserve to be happy.

So hopefully your dates go well this week and like you said, hopefully one of them is a winner!

Good luck!

~cassidy~

OH i know what movie ur talking about.

it looks really funny.

haha we're going to hsm3 cuz we're cool like that :P

anywayssss i don't think you should go to Zack1's house. I mean u feel he's just using you for s..x. And it seems that way too. Because before when you didn't want to have s..x with him he blew you off, got mad, and didn't want to do anything with you.

He's not worth it. I think you should try to see what this new zach is like and maybe he'll treat you right like you deserve. This zach1 just doesn't seem cool at all. Seems like a s..x addict kinda dude.

And i'm really hoping things work out with Andy and I also!

hope all goes well =]

~cassidy~

ahhhh sammi dont go!! its obviosuly killing you! its not worth going an hourr 2 have s..x wit him when u most likely dont want 2!! drop zachh hes not treating u how u deserve!!

and yeah im waitng..buh its lik how god dam long am i gonna wait if i dont go out looking! ya no

and person below me..dont call her dumb..shes the total opposite of it!!

he lives in a trailer?

u dumb.

i'll look it up.

cheers xx

:)

yeah? it's just hard in my house generally cause my parents always like make dinner and stuff. i might have to try that though :)

thanks xxx

That's kinda odd how you found another guy named Zach.

maybe this one will be better? He sounds a lot nicer than the other. But i can't blame you for being so confused. You like/liked him a lot. It's going to take time to get over him and maybe this new zack will be able to help you do that. I hope you have a nice time at the movies with him on thursday.

what movie are you going to go see?

and thank you for the comment. I know Andy sounded a bit whorish, but he's not really. You just kinda have to know him. It's complicated. But yeah. i guess we'll see what happens. lol. I'm going to a movie with him also except on saturday. And i know exactly what you meant by the cutting comment. That you cut so you don't kill urself. It's like that horrible feeling you get makes u want to be dead, but if you cut the feeling just fades a bit so it's not as bad and you don't do something much worse.

Take care

~cassidy~

heyy sammi!! sorry i havent been in latelyy!! anyways..gladd that you and zach hung outt!! i hope he keeps in contact with you!if he doesnt u gotta drop him lik a sack of DOO DOO! lolz everythings good wit me kinda..just tryin 2 find a boyfriend grrr lol

Awe that's nice that you guys got to something

and that u actually heard from him this morning.

maybe things will continue to get better.

But i think you're right. If he continues to blow you off you should drop him and find some one new.

I hope all goes well =]

~cassidy~

Our first official weigh-in is on Monday.  Please weigh-in on the "WEIGH IN HERE" entry.  Further information in the latest updates.  Thanks!  <3 L2G

I was wondering if you were still interested in being a part of L2G? 

You have been approved as a member. 

You have the option of putting "L2G" in your diary title, as a way to advertise and gain more support.  We will begin our first weigh-ins as soon as Monday. 

I'd love it if you could recruite some girls if you know of anybody's who's interested.  I know know is a HUGE dieting/pro-ed community here, and it would be nice to have them centralized; it can really help us all focus on whatever goals we have, share knowledge, advice, support, etc.  

heyy sammi!!!  ahh so sorry i havent been keeping up on you entries =/ ive been realllyyy busy latelyyy =/

anywayss sorry bout zach..u gotta stop texting him!! cause hes just a giant ass face!!!

glad u had fun at the beginning of your night..sorry bout that guy tho..if u do talk 2 him again and u find out that u had s..x slap him in his face!! cause thats maddd messed up 2 fck a drunk girl..thats lik rape.u were just 2 drunk 2 stop it..dirty guy! well i hope things go well..love u sammmiiii =D

[sodapop4]

hes such a dickkhead!!! i noe it feels good 2 get that goodnight or goodmorning text..wit ma ex boyfriends i used 2 lovee getting those random good-moringin textss..and i feel u with the text thing..cause im always like I AM NOT TEXTING HIM! an then i breakdown an text an then i feel lik a jackass when they dont answer..or take a long time..it always happened wit certain guys!!!!!

so stay strong!!! maybe you should just stop texting him period..cause hes officially a BUTT!!!

Sorry about Zack being such a doche.

I do that all the time though!

tell myself i'm not gonna text him till he texts me!

omg it feels like forever though doesn't it.

I usually wait and day and if he doesn't text, i'll text him late at night the second day

good luck

hope he texts you though!

~cassidy~

ahhh sammi im sorryy..you know what! you are a beautiful intelliegent amazing person!! soo maybe you should start seeing other people..you dont need 2 b waiting on someone whose not treating you how you should be treated..its his loss!!! hope the doctor goes welll! and i hope u start feeling better

X0X

awww sammi!! im sorryyy...

i think you should just take your mind off of zachh for a lil while! he seems like hes throwing u around and shittt! if u ever need someone to talk to..u can text or even if u want call me..cause ill be willing to talk..u might have 2 get past my NY accent tho tehehe

newaysss take ur mind off of boys..ur a strong independent girl..ur gonna go places in life..ur gonna b the BESTTTTT psycologist or what you wanan be everrr cause ur a goood influence! ur inspiringg to mee,..and youve been through it all so you will help anyonee

love ya lotss sammi girl..hang in there

XXShawna

ahhhh sammi calm down!!

dont hurt urself its not gonna make things better! its only gonna make things worse cause the next day when u do feel better ur gonna b lik y the fck did i do that 2 maselff]

and the doctors just need 2 keep helping you so if u have 2 b sore 2 get better so be it..maybe take some advil or something?? im soo sorry 2 hear about ur pain =/

and about zach..just keep an eye on him cause he seems a lil shadyyy

ahh i need a job tooo girll..its hardd tho! specially since im only 15..i hope u feel betterr..and i hope zach stays talkin 2 u throughout these five dayyss...

and dont worry bout eating mann! my mom keeps telling me im getting fat lately..its just cause my knee is blown out..so im not doing my usual workouts..its sad cause i think ive gained lik 4 pounds or so in a week..my mom just keeps being brutally honest tho an its annoying!

tlak to hm again and be SOOO sure that hes not gonna bail on u! this is what ya gotta say

"look bitch..if i miss this appointment because of u,im gonna impale ur p...s" he might not wanna talk 2 u again after that tho...lolz

If you really do love him, then tell him that! and roomates have fights all the time, it comes with being with someone for a while. todays just been a bad day. tomorrow will be betetr:)

im really sorry

things have been super hard for u lately

zach isnt worth it. remember that. even tho u like him a lot

ur gonna be so much better without him.

and ur not a horrible person!

things will turn around u just have to stick it out and wait.

take care

~cassidy~

haha

im back for good :)

and whatever ive accomplished, is going down the pan

so how've you been?

hows your life been going?

Lovess

Hellarockstar!

xx

yayyyyy i got ur friend request...i denied it tho..eww..

tehehhe kiddinggg obviouslyy!! ima write on ur wall an b lik SAMMMIII!!!!!

thankss also..i hope my therapy goes well too

and stop hating urself! CRIST WOMAN! if anything be amazed at urself..look how well ur handling everything ur going through!!!! do you know how many people who would jsut shutt downn if they went through what you did!!! keep ur head up loveee

and yes..that is a horrific line

Don't hate yourself for what he did.

u can hate him, that's fine. And he probably is lying about going to work early. I mean he was pushing s..x on you for so long and now that you finally did he's treats u like crap.

and thank you for the comment. I wish i could get out of the past but it's hard. And i finished my project finally!!

~cassidy~

Awe i'm sorry.

that's really rude of zach to do that.

i've been following your diary for some time now and u finally have s..x with zach and he has to do that.

i don't think he's worth it. you deserve better.

take care

~cassidy~

Please be careful with these guys.  Make sure they're good before you go to their places ya know?  The artifacts were wood carvings, and pottery, home made jewelry, and quilts.  If I may ask, what surgery are you getting?  And good luck with that I hope you recover well.

~Tons of love

i just wrote u a ridiculously long comment and it freakin erased..im so mad...well here goes...AGAIN! im gladd u didnt have s..x with zach!!! if this is the longest you have waited with a guy than that means hes really special to you!!!! im gladd you blew him tho haha so he can get a lil taste of what you can do! he wont wanna leave ya haha and i feel you bout the doctors thing..ive been to two doctors in the past 2 days..my pediatrician and my orthopedic..and starting next week a physical therapist..all 4 my knee...i also had a few X-Rays and an MRI...dam man! those things are LOUD!!!!!! haha neways group therapy sounds good..you can find other kids that have had similar hardship! oh and about the finding yourself thing..i wouldnt worry to much about that..its something that kinda has to come naturaly i would think..so when you find yourself you will know =)

much lovee and respectt

X0X0 shawna

Thanks =]

an I found out my scales broke cuz I went to my friends house for a but earlyer and weighed myself there and I really lose like 10 pounds =]

~Nicole

I LOVE GRAVYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! especially the kind from KFC...omgg sooo want somee lolz..like this non caring attitude u havee yayyyY!!! havee faith in zach! woohh..sorry short commentss..lil busyyy right nowws lol

bye loverrr

yayyyy ur finally realzing this life sucks shit doesnt help!!! like i been sayinn!!!! and u always look hott!!!! haha id so go lesbian for u =) lol kidding..im not thattt gay lmaoo

newaysss hope u have shitloads of fun!! woooh!! and hopefully u an zach get betaahhhh

Oh I bet that looked really good!! Can't wait to see the pic! :]

Natasha

ahh sammi im so sorryy..ur still sayin semi positivee thoo which is why i look up 2 u so much!! and how u gonna say things wit u an zach might not be working!! seems 2 me lik he lieks u very much!! so look at this glass half full not half empty! and yes u can do whippets with whip cream cans..buh i heard thats not as good..the ones ma brother has are actualll whippets..lik those lil C02 cartrigaess..i just did another one now and while my voice was all manly sounding i sang ive got a lovely bunch of coconuts!! buh then i died laughin and staarted flailing around ont he couch lolzz

much loveee <3

You're welcome and thank you. I know what you mean. The subject of this and my other poems is so beautiful. I can barely believe she'd be interested in me. She said she'd be interested in seeing what would develop between us. I was afraid the distance between us would be a turnoff for her too, she lives in another state. Well, I got this far, I'll just see what happens. Talk to you soon. Hang in there.

Chad

I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you feel better.

Chad

ohh goodness sammi...im soo sorryy this happened 2 u! dontt worryy tho..just live ur life an try an get the 100 downpayment if its whats gonna workk...i really do see you being happy one day in the future i doo...its hard noww.and for a lil while it prolly will bee buh i honestly do see u being happyy and successful in the future..so just keep on goin..never give up sammi and ull get where u want too one dayy

much love<3

I'm sorry to hear about the HPV. I hope something good happens and you will be able to afford the treatment. I'll keep you in my thoughts. Thanks for your comment, I'm glad you liked the poem. Take care.

Chad

Thanks you for your support, really that means a lot.

It sucks not being supported by your parents, but i'm gonna try to deal.

[Kaput]

okayyy ill textt yaaaa =) is it tha same numberr?? hope soo im 2 lazy 2 wait 4 yur response hahah ill jus text yahh...and yes..i am spazzing outt tehehe...god if u ever met me in person ud prolly b laughin lik 24/7 =P

woooohhh =)

chinnn upp girlll....zach will get bck 2 u

yayyyy!!! see i told u that you dont suck!! weeeee!!!! and yeahh u best put pics up!! dont cha love when u get undies 4 cheap?!? i just got lik 5 thongs at mandees...guess how much..A DOLLAR EACH!!! an they reall cuteeee hahaha lmaooo..and thanks 4 ur commenttts ur soo nicee..and yur so right..family doesnt always mean bloood..

oh and im glad u really lik zach..buh that sounds really jerk off-ish sayin im dissappointed..well tell him 2 start thinkin more wit his first head than his second then!!!! lolzz

an even after u told him uve been rapedd...shudnt he understnad?? fooolioo

glad u said no tho! wooooohhhhh

Thanks, and of course =)

<3

you know what...put up an entry right now...that says "I DO NOT SUCK!! SO FUCK YALL HATERSZ THAT THINK I DO"

put that up..it will make me happy =)

oh man the motorcycle thing makes me sad =( bad memories =(

glad u saidd no 2 that kid!! yayyyy!!!! sammi said no!! wooohh!!! AND OH EM EFF GEE SAMMI!

I SWEAR...ONE MORE TIME..AND IM COMIN 2 UR COLLEGE!!!!! U DO NOT SUCK!! CHRIST!!!

if u sucked than u wouldnt have said no 2 that kidd...and go hang out wit zach..he shud like u no matter what u look like!!!!

x0x0 and STOP SAYIN U SUCK!

Thank you for your notes, that would suck really bad.  I am so sorry to know all of this, I wish I could make it better for you.  Keep in touch though with your gyno, you need to do something about that...however you can.  Thinking of you my dear...

<3

oh goodness..im sorry ur phone broke..i noe how that is!! ull b fine..u will find a way 2 get intouch wit the gyno..and if u dont think of urself as easyy u wont bee!! just say noo thats all ya noe..think b4 u have s..x and u wont regret nething...oh and zach left u hangin 4 a weekend..so i think if u leave him hangin for a day or so u can say now ur even haha

im glad my entry made u laugh..it makes me laugh 2 lolszz..i do shit lik that all the time..gotta make life funnnn =)

omg..thats it...im coming 2 ur college and kickin ur ass bc u said u suck again!!! SAMMI! YOU-DO-NOT-SUCK!! jesus mary and joseph!!!! and how could you say that.."if he only knew how horrible i am" sammi..ur not horrible in the leasttttt...uve been wronged..many times and thats not ur fault..so some people u might have had a one night stand with may have been a bit of a mistake but cmon..name one college kid who hasnt had a one night stnad!! lol..and oh that dude sayin ur easy an the other 1 sayin ur "that kinda girl"..that should b ur motivation for you to nott do that nemore...focus on zach an onlyy zach an when ur down dontt get upsettt and go do somethin u wouldnt want too..go out an have do somethin instead 2 take ur mind off of things..please try an stop cutting =( i mean i noe how u feel cause when i was going thru my sever depression i did cut a lil..buh plz try an break it..u want those foot massages don cha? haha more motivation =) your still my inspiration just 2 let cha noee

oh an thanks 4 callin ma feet cutee =)

I don't know what else to say, other than thanks. :]

Anna</3

Plz dont turn emo i cant stand emos....
And dont be too depressed

thnx 4 tryin. in desprate. but i might get one tommorow.

Don't give up.

heyy ladyyy...okayy..first of all..STOP SAYING U SUCK!! jeeeeezzz...ever here of a thing called self fulfilling profecy? im learnin bout it in psycology so maybe ull noe..its when u achieve whats expected of u..well i knoe u dont suck..and you know u dont suck..so you dont suck!! so stop saying u suck!!!! lol zach seems like a good guyy...focus on him! an he will call u back after all you guys have been hanging out..an u even met his parents..hes not gonna just drop u lik thatt ya noe??! and okay so with rickie..u made a mistake...forgive urself..life goes onnn...just when ur upset try and focus on maybe schoool work? or excersize..thats wut i do..when im upset i go play soccer..or maybe even just take a longg walkk..okayy so YOU DO NOT SUCK! i dont wanna see it on ur entries nemore!!! ur a hot..big boobied **SO JEALOUS!!** woman so b happyy wit urself loveee urself!

loveee yaaa

xxShawna

You are not a stupid girl. Hopefully zach will come around and talk to you again. It was very brave what you did. Please don't be so hard on yourself. It is probably something that might not be something to hear now, but there are many guys out there, and there is one right one just for you. Sometimes it takes time to find him...

((((RASPBERRYCOLA))))

Thank you sweetie =)  You deserve a good boy my dear.

<3

First of all, don't think of yourself as an evil little girl. If zach likes you than that is what matters. It is good you got to meet his folks early on in a relaxed situation. Try to enjoy this time, the more experience you have taking things at a different pace in a different light, the more you will find yourself being able to trust again. It is easier said than done I know, but it is better than thinking bad about yourself. No one is perfect, and neither are his parents :)

Remember that so then when you see him, you will not feel so badly. Who knows what they were like growing up anyways. I bet they have stories they would not tell anyone lol...

I wish you the best...

Michelle

What happened to ignoring Nate? Cut him out of your life. You are so much better than that. He's not even worth it as a friend.

Enjoy dinner with Zach, he sounds like a sweetie

Hey Raspberry,

It sounds like you are having some things changing in your life perhaps for the better every day. I think you should stick to Zack...he sounds like a nice guy. Don't be too afraid to fall for someone, you just never know...

Take care and have a good night

Michelle

I'm happy for you, and proud of how hard your trying. You really are strong.

You should print (or write) out that poem and put it in your wallet/purse and everytime you feel down, pull it out and read it. Believe it and be it.

*hugs*

OMG IF U HOOK UP WIT NATE I WILL SO SLAP U IN UR FACEE!!!! dont let him make u feel bad!!! thats what they do!! they guilt you into doin stuff!! and i promise you that once u have s..x with nate..if u did again ur gonna b kickin urself in the ass and u noe it!!! so fuck him hes a pig and hes tryin 2 guilt you...do it for you sammi!!!! plus if zach finds out ur sleepin around how wud that make him feel?? trustt me sammi im sooo serisous bout nate..DO NOT TOUCH HIM!!! newayss im glad things are going good!! yay!! see i told u keep ur head up things will get better!!! ur soo right!! ur no longer the victim sammi!! ur the survivor!! the STRONG ONEEE!!WOOHHH PARTYYYYY

soo DONT GIVE IN 2 THAT PIG NATE!!! ur gonna hate urself if u do..y wud ya wanna ruin this great self esteeem that u so deserveee!!!

LOVEE YAHHH

I am so happy for you :)

This is about my husband David. I really love your poem too. It shows strength and courage...now that you have wings you can fly anywhere...

Peace

Michelle

Stay away from that Nate guy. Seriously. Block him on Yahoo, delete his number from your phone if you have it. Cut him out of your life. For your own good. Do it.

Zach sounds cool. Play it slow.

*hugs*

It was supposed to say find the good things in you and your life. My head hurts lol...

[HurtingTruth]

I think you should pick the nicest one and that sounds like zach unless I amconfused. Stick with one guy and take all the time you need. Sometimes after being what you have gone through, you need to breathe. You are not a whore. What I think is going on here, is that you are looking to try to feel safe and comfortable, and accepted and loved, and maybe are going about it in a fashion that even you don't understand. This is actually something that happens a lot with women who are hurting. So, how you decide to handle that depends upon you and what you want. Personally, I suggest slowing down and stop and smell the roses. Building a relationship from a friendship could last for years to come and you would grow so much closer to the guy that way. That is just my opinion. Everyone does things differently. Don't beat yourself up. Find the good things in your. You should write a list of them. Try each day to say something affirmatively positive to yourself. You deserve it.

You are a good person.

Peace

Michelle

haha yeahh ice cream dude was kinda cutee..not ugly..but not DAYUMM he was lik in the middlee =) and def put a pic of zach on here!!! im so glad hes treating u nice!!! u soo deserve a guy like that..u noe how u said i deserve an amazingg guy?? well you deserve an even moer amazing guy than i deserve!!! lol if that makes sense...i know ur scared..but when you have something this great you need 2 go for it..and i know ur scared..but heartbreak happens..its a part of life..so you cant go around thinkin ur just doomed forever cause it happens 2 everyone..ya just gotta keep pushin on..ur heart has been broken b4 tho so i think its bout time for this zach fella 2 mend a broken heart =) good luckk..talk 2 ya sooon

XO Shawnaa

The poem was to give you some hope. Wow, you really have a lot going on. I give you a lot of credit, no pun intended for all the credits you are taking. Math was not my favorite subject, all except for statistics which I have forgotten in my old age lol. I hope your first year goes well, and that you are able to go for your goals.

[HurtingTruth]

It can sometimes seem impossible to balance school,  and everything else in life sometimes. What kind of homework do you have to work on. At least it is the weekend. Check out the poem I wrote...thought it was appropriate.  I have this intuition that you probably feel pretty insecure with a lot of things still not even just guys. That is what happened to my sister. I also deal with it too, but for different reasons. I bet you are an awesome, beautiful person just waiting to emerge from your hiding place...

Peace

Michelle

Don't be sorry. I could not imagine being in your shoes that is for sure. No one can say how they would be unless they went through what you did. Trust could take a really really long time. You might not even know what you really want yet or what you are looking for. You never know when a really nice guy might come into your life that might surprise you and not even be what you would expect or normally look for. You just never can tell. I hope one day you can feel more trust, but that takes time and work. Time does not heal all wounds for everyone. It may help dampen the blow however and somewhat heal them. Just take care and give yourself space and time when you need it.

Peace

Michelle

Ya know, having so much attention and picking one guy can be quite overwhelming lol. At the same time, it must be scary sometimes huh. I think finding the right one and giving time to come into play is really important to find your soulmate. It has really got to be hard when there is more than one though. You might like one for one thing, and another for another reason. But the most important thing of all is that he loves and respects you, and treats you like you are number one. That can mean a lot of things, but for you and how you feel about it is what matters. Don't cut yourself short :)

You never know what diamond in the rough you might find...

[HurtingTruth]

HI raspberrycola. Thank you for the compliment. I am sorry you had to go through more trauma today after having been raped. That is one thing I have never had to deal with, but my sister was in high school by a guy she was with. I can only hope that time and people caring will help you to some point get through it all. Sounds like you have a lot going on. Perhaps one day you will find the right guy who will put a big smile on your face, and warmth in your heart. Peace and a bright future to you...

Michelle

YAYYY FINALLY A PIC OF SAMMI'S HOTTNESS!!!! haha yess..u r hot shitt..u noe that song when they say  "OH HOT DAYUMM" theyre def talkin bout u lol..neways...if u get back with matt..im coming out 2wherever u live..and strangling u!!!! soo fine then screw the other matt..if hes all med school on ur ass then wait 4 him 2 come back 2 u....ZACH!! yayy zach! i soo choose him lol..i feel lik im in pokemon...ZACH I CHOOSE YOU!! *throws poke ball* im such a dick lol..and my comment is longer than urs and im not even spacingg..its cause i talk an explain myself 2 much..like im doin right now =) yeah so lets sum this up...ur hot...matt is gay...other matt is missing out! and zach is the mannnn..yeahh haha

and that fall..it hurt..as u can see im holdin ma ass in the pic lmao

loverzz ya

ahhh keep ur head up!!! im sorryyy u have 2 go thru this..so sorry! and im sorry i keep saying im gonna text u and then i dont lol..i get way side tracked..the antibiotics are def gonna kick in soon! keep thinkin positive..maybe go out 4 food with dan...just try itt cause it can really work out..dont do ANYTHING SEXUAL on the date if u do go out..and dont even mention sex...like dont givee him the slightest idea of antyhign uve done...dont go newhere alone with him..stay public..and come off as a strong but sweet girl =) good luckk..much love..i will text u..very soon! prolly 2morro..cuz i have this stupid fundraiser for my soccer team and i will b selling sh*t so ill b bored lol

peaceee

You're welcome.  Keep trying, I know I don't have room to say anything like that but I care for you.  Winter is right, it gets worse before it gets better.  You'll start to feel better soon, it just takes time.

<3

Stay away from this guy Blake or whatever. By what you've said about him he isnt worth your time. Grasp that and believe it. YOU DESERVE BETTER. You do not NEED him. You've been through a lot, its not easy as you know, but you survived and things can only get better. Seriously. Believe it. I know its hard, but keep trying to think positive. Think of what makes you happy, a place or a saying. Grab a pen and write this down "Choose your mood" put it in your pocket/wallet/purse, put it as a reminder on your cell phone if you have one... program it to go off every hour. Everytime you feel down or sad, think it "Choose your mood" and most importantly BE IT.

Before you go to bed, think about your day, think about the things you didnt like and then think about tomorrow and the things you DO want. Tell yourself thats how your day will be, believe it. I know its hard, and that what I'm saying sounds like a bunch of happy hippy sh*t. But it works. I'm the living proof of it. I NEVER thought I could feel this way. And here I am for the first time that I can remember being positive ALL the time. Send out the good vibes and they come back.

If you have the oppertunity to see a counselor, go for it. It will be scary, but it will help. Good luck.

If you don't value yourself enough, others will not value you either.  I have learned this the hard way.  Respect yourself and the rest will follow.  You deserve to believe in yourself, to treat yourself well, to value your worth because you my dear are worth much.

<3

Sammi, I 'm glad my story and my comment to Cooper got you so hot.  Knowing you're so hot and want to f.uck so badly has made my penis so hot, hard, and wet as I stroke it with K-Y Silk-E vaginal moisturizer, I can't wait to satisfy you on Yahoo IM.  My YIM ID is panman0304 and I hope we can chat this Friday, 9-12 around 12:00pm, CDT.  Hope to cum with you then!!!!!! 

your respionse to cooper turned me on almost as much s your story did
i love this. It makse me so hot and wantint to f*** so badly
 [raspberrycola]

Awe i'm sorry things are so hard hun. But things will look up for you hopefully. ANd it's it good you are going to the doctor now. Hopefully everything gets better. (oh btw this is my new diary, i used to be chichick) I"m going to readd you to my favorites.

hopefully things start looking up for u :)

Dont sleep with this internet guy. Dont send him naked pics. If he respects you and really cares for you then he'll wait until your ready. Seriously dont go there. YOU DESERVE BETTER. You have to believe in yourself, the only person who can change your situation is you. Its not easy, baby steps... but it'll happen. Stay strong.

Oh... and eat something.

I always feel sooooooo sorry for you!!!!!!!! And thanks for wishing me a happy birthday.  I hope your life gets happy!!

Take care sammi!!!!

Sweetie you should really try the counseling, I know it is scary and maybe there's a part of you that is scared to get better, but just try it once.  Once won't hurt a thing and at least you can say that you have tried even if it is just a little bit.  I have experienced horrible nightmares and the feelings of wanting to kill myself so I know what it is like, maybe not in the same way as you but similiar.  I am so messed up though I should be in counseling myself.  But I care more for others you know?  Hopefully there won't be any more nightmares.

<3

omgg bring someone to the concert with you!!!!! bring the dude that u possibly likee..i dont feel safe with u going with 2 guys that raped u! wait andrew..hmm he is a bad one right?? yeah wel i wudnt go alone just with them! and i dont know if u meant litterally killing urself or jus meantally breakin down but DONT f***ING KILL YOUR SELF OR ILL DIG U FROM YOUR GRAVE AND BEAT THE sh*t OUTTA U! lol sorry that got a lil violentt haha buh thats how much i care =) newayss just take it easyyy! giive it some timee things will work out..and pleasee pleaseee pleaseee dont start getting involved again with matt and them.your away at college..its ur time 2 break away from them and meet new people!

much love..and i have maa phonee now so if ya need me ya noe whree 2 find mee haha

telling someone is not being weak, on the contrary, it shows how srtong u r for speaking up, and it will show mike and kevin that u r not weak, that they canNot mess with u.

i used to be afraid of telling anyone how i was phisically abused on my first year of marriage, he would threaten me, hit me and offend me. i stood quiet out of shame. then there was an accident. and everybody knew what was happeneing, more ppl than i wouldve told or imagined. it was out of my hands, it was innevitable, they knew. it turned out worst than having talked about it myself; but point is: It was only after that that he stopped. he knew he was one step from jail, so he was afraid. i became the strong one, now i had the power so he better treated me right. and i can tell u things r much better now than on those days back then. i remember i used to cry everysingle day, i even had to save money in case i had to runnaway for my life on a given time (thats why i refer to him as earl sometimes, from "WAITRESS" movie) it was really crazy all that needless to say i was crazy (in love) myself. the present its another issue tho.

so consider our advice, please. 

girll u needa forget ur pridee if things r that f***ed upp..every strong person needs help at times!! i hpe things work wit u and that guyy...sorry this is a short 1..i gotta finish packingg

keep ur head up lovahh <3

Sammi, I know some fighting moves that might help you. First, if the guy grabs you from the front spred you fingers so you pock both eyes at once. and pull his ears down, hard. if he grabs you from you back, and holds on your neck, kick him is the nuts. if he holds your wast and arms push both arms down on one side and spin around.

Hope that works

niiggggaaaaa u craziii...lmao im prolly gonna get in lots of trouble 4 sayin dat on here buh whatever someone f***ing gives a sh*t come see me! anywayss you so dont suckk..and if u don wanna cut then dont!! umm if kevin ever tries 2 talk 2 u again..((when ur far away, lik over myspace)) then wilee the f*** out on him..b like... f*** U sh*tFACE U BROKE MA GOD DAM RIBS AND RAPED ME TWICE WHO THE f*** ARE U 2 SAY WE SHUD f***ING "GET 2GETEHR"..WHAT THE f*** DOES GET 2GETHER MEAN ANYWAYS?? CAUSE IF IT MEANS LET ME f***ING RAPE SAMMI A THIRD TIME AND MAKE HER WANNA KILL HERSELF THEN f*** U..f*** UR MOM...f*** UR LIFE..AND I HOPE U DIE!! thats basiclly what i would write..buh thats just me..woah i jus had lik the illest angry outburst haha shiit man..see i tell people im scary wen im angry!!! anywayss yeahh..i just outbursted liek that bc i caree for you so much! yoo can i make a fake myspace?? and send kevin messages like YOU f***ING RAPIST BASTARD! and then ill delete it lol..sorry just me thinkin again..neways yeah ur still my inspiration! so dont let sh*t lik him tear u down! sorry..i completely blanked out on how 2 spell tear..i might have spelt it like tear drop lol idk..well i hate him so much..i really do..anywayss umm bout ma tatoo..well ill look into them more buh everyone noes theres always places where ppl do tattoos unchecked an shiit..doesnt always mean theyre bad..and also if i do get a word i wanna get somethin that describes me..and as cute as hope and peace and wish an all them are..tey don describe me ahha.mayb the word insane? cause that describes me to the T haha okiesz well sorry 4 the novel..u noe how i do lol ill ttyl

<333

sweetie i wish u the best and good luck with college!!! study tons so ur always on track and take lotsa care :)

[preciouse]

men are asses. these kind of guys are disgusting pigs who need to be reported so this wont happen to you ar anyone else again

love ya

-me

sweety please tell the doctor what really happened...dont lie, these guys need to be put on jail or probation or ...something needs to be done! if u stay quiet theyll feel free to do it again, theyll percieve u as weak. u need to show them the strong girl u r and stand up for urself! please do that for u. im sure that will make u feel in control of the situation and not the victim. being a victim will make other feel pity for u but meanwhile u r the 1 paying the harsh price of being beaten and raped i dont want u there again so u need to make something diferent so the results are diferent. now that u r going to college it would really help u reassuring urself u can take care of urself and that way u wont attract that kinda ppl near u. sammy take care.

pd. they ll believe u, noone can hit hard enough or kick themselves in the stomach. speak. not to a little sister, not to the agravators brother...to someone u know can help u out, a teacher, an older sibling who u respect, preferably the police...someone who can truely help. only that way ull be safer. plus these guys cant be out there, u dont know how many other girls they can be harming, maybe younger, maybe weaker. u have proof go to the police please. the least they can do is keep them away.

1. *hug* Everyone needs a hug. It's friendly, personal enough to touch the soul, but not enough to violate.
2. Matt is a pussy. He doesn't take part in the deed, and he won't admit to knowing. But he gets his feet wet enough to be in the other room. A friggin' pussy if you ask me.
3. Kevin will rot in Hell. well, o.k. I'm not going to say that. It's not right. BUT! He is defintiely the weakest in all of this.  YOU have the constitution to keep yourself afloat here. You aren't an immediate wreck. He is the one who has to know he did what he did out of force rather than being a real man and going through what is neccissary to care about you.
4. Here's the instructional part of my whole speil. Rest enough to get your pains out. Get ready for college. Have nothing to do with anyone who has something to do with either of those guys. Go to college. You were deeply violated, that doesn't make you the bad person in all this. You aren't the weak one, and you are someone to look up to.

thanks for the comment.
you right it was just okay.
ugh. somtimes i wish id just realized sooner
what kinda people my friends were.
im lucky to have three good friends the way my lifes been going.
but whatever cutttee clothes does make it better =]
haha.

-tinkerbelle2744

UR WELLCOME

[pebbs8]

hahaha ohh man u def shuda jus gone home an robbed his drunk ass hehe kiddingg..and sammii please do throw uppp =( i think id rahter u cut then throw up 4 some odd reason..cause 2 me this may sound wierd but your like my inspiration 2 keep things goin good wit me..like not cuttin an not throwin up..buh its lik wen u break i feel lik i should 2..hope i didnt put pressure on u wit that one lol its not lik ur every move depends on my life..i jus kinda look up 2 u in a way..isnt that funny wit all the sh*t u get into lol..an i guess thats what u get for giving matt road head again!!! a stinky sh*tty penis!!! lol haha oh man tht sounds funny lol..so pleasee take care of urself woman! an jus so u don 4get ma phoness not workin so ill text u when/if it does start again

aww thankss ur soo niceee i <3 u!! an no problem im here 2 help =) my body isnt that smexyyy haha but thankyou an i do need 2 stop being shy! i got over that guy so im way less depressed YAY! =)

okay so now about ur entry..im sooo happy u fought matt off!!! ur saying noo!! wooohh!!! haha i love how u sed shut up bitch get off ma dick...thats exactlyyyy what i say!! wit girls alot i say calm ur f***ing titi's if there all up in ma face an wit anyone ill b lik f***in hop off my dickk haha its the best linee..haha truth or dare is sooooo much fun!! im ALWAYS the one who is gettin the perverted dares...or wenever someone gets a perverted dare they do it 2 me..ever play suck blow?? tht can b fun to!! haha well im glad u had fun!! an dayumm man i was just thinkin u got shy like me!!! wen he winked at u, you looked down!! haha but you eventually got him back later so thats all good then! muhazz much lovee ttyl <3

oh i was wondering y u didnt reply for awhile! lol

I have been doing pretty good as well..nothing too exciting except Breaking Dawn comes out tomorrow! lol

i knoww i understand you didnt have a choice 2 sleepover its alrightt...i know your head is pretty messsed up right now i cant even imagin..but just keep your head highh and keep pushin on through lifeee...don look back EVER! and yeahh felt seriosuly exactlyy from a movie like i got that lil feeling in my stomach lik ahhh..im soooo mad at myself for fukcin gettin shy outta nowhere!!!! whats wrong with me!!!!!!

okay ur good! lol

omg i feel like such an idiot!

 I said this to you, and i THOUGHT i left this comment on ur page....

but i ended up sending it to myself..whoops.

lol

thanks for the comment :]

and you are not a fck up. im sure you are an amazinq person
yu just seem to be cauqht up in moments and stuck in places at the wronq times.
and like how you said "i need to never leave my house aqain"
i just think you can qo out and just know what you are qettinq into.
make sure yu can qet another ride home, or
"know your limits"

hope everythinq qoes well :]

alrighty I gotcha! lol

do u want me to delete that comment w/ ur email address so other people dont get ur info?

okay great!

I will email you!

Thank you! I am doing okay.. but the way that the entry came across made me sound really depressed.. But i also wrote that earlier when my sisters wouldnt listen to me (I babysit them all day everyday over the summer) and I was kinda upset.

But its one of those things where I am scared to admit it because it will really change things w/ me and my friends and just everything in general.. I will tell you sometime though.

do you have a yahoo or an email?

Luvs.

Natasha.

Yes I'm fine. I just have a lot on my mind lately, ya know?

It seems like you have a lot on your mind too. Please dont give up. Hold your head high because you are an amazing person. Believe that. Because its true! People make mistakes.. and so what? It's the past. Just do your best to make your future better. I'm here with ya.

You are like my favorite person here on MDD and I would go insane if I lost ya. Thanks for being there for me.. I want to be there for you too.

Luvs.

Natasha.

Oh wow. You have been through so much since I have been gone. My heart really goes out to ya, Sammi.

I am soo glad to finally be able to talk to ya again!!

Luvs.

Natasha.

You poor girl!! Danger always finds you huh?? you need some guy that treats you right!! But staying in your house trying to hide won't help. Be carefully what guy your around. you think there nice than they try to hurt you. Its not your falt. like everything that happeneds to you. just pray for things to go better for you. believe in your self, that thinks go better. dont ley guy push you around like your some toy. Stand up for your self, if bad things start to happen, get out of there. Ask him to take you home. go to the police if you have to. no one I mean NO ONE should hold a knife up to you and get away with it.

take care, hope things get better for you!!

Thanks for your comment on my entry!! Me and Catherine worked thanks out!! Hope your life gets better too. Sorry that I couldn't be there for you more. ( Since I got grounded for alwile And I could go on the computer.)

Take care of yourself sammi!!

ehh im kinda feeling the same latelyy..not depressed anymore just soooo tireddd..overworked u noe..but you work everydayy so i cant even imagini how ur feeling...keep pushin thru your lifes gonna look upp sammi..oh an the other day wen i messaged u sayin i needed 2 talk..thatsz just pretty much what my last entry was aboutt..buh yeah newayss ill ttyl..keep your head up!!!

Hey there hun- don't stress about people making you feel bad.  Unless someone has been raped, they don't understand how it feels.  How confused you must feel and how hard it would be, physically and emotionally to deal with a pregnancy for NINE months.  I hope you feel better and I really hope that you get the emotional support you need. 

Lots of love, my thoughts are with you- Ally

Dear Ras,

Hi Sweetie, I am hopping you are doing well.  And I guess by now you made your choice.  You are a brave young woman for what ever the outcome was.  We are all behind you no matter what you decided.

Stay strong, be well and let me know how you are doing.

Your friend, Kijistrormky aka Catherine:)

its hard to make this desicion, but  if its what u want then you have to do what you have to do.

people tell u to adopt it if you dont want it but i cudnt do that if i didnt want a baby  due to the circamstances u have  i dont think i cud give it up for adoption if i gave birth to the baby id have to keep it i cudnt give it up for adoption thats what some ppl cant understand by tellingu to adopt it yeah i know peopl would love to have a baby who cant but how can u give birth to a baby u never wnted  u wud end up wanting it. uv made ur choice and it is hard on u hope evrything goes well

thanks for your comment

( don't be afeared to return again and say hello in there!)

I hope and pray that through all the hard& imminent decisions you are about to make that, once

they have gone by....you become wiser and gain deeper self-respect( never to let any one violate or

desecrate you and what is your right to protect

and.... that you maintain health and be safe!!!

well

i told jamie i would see him

but i really like scott

and now scotts pissed cause im with jamie

but i thought that i didnt have a chance with scott

cause of his 2 year gf...

idk

:(

You know if he raped you and it is his kid you can put him in jail with a simple dna test.  No court in the world would give him visitation rights.  Next, once the child is given up for adoption he/she would never need to know the orgins and would have a family.  I think you're jumping the gun here kid.

matt

Hey, girl ... Each and every one of us were once young and naive - ignorant, so to say. We did sh*ts and sh*ts happened and hoping in the next future to come we are not going to do any mistakes again. But life is like this - we always do mistakes! And over, and over again. No one say life is easy and there is always a sun shining for you. But life is also hard. But ... it is is you alone that will lead your life, making decisions and making plans for the future. You have to listen to your heart and trust your instinct. Put faith in yourself and perhaps that would help.

I can also say something like, "Hey! Don't go for abortion and keep that child!" But if you keep that child because I said so or others said so and then in the end you suffered too much because you are so young and have no future for yourself and for the baby - then it is also my fault to give you the wrong advise. But if I said something like, "Go and do it, girl!" It is also not my decision to do this but you. Perhaps you will also suffer badly after doing this because I said this or the others said this to you ... So, it is up to you, my dear. It is hard and it is really bad, yes. But you yourself alone has to do the decision and be strong after you made up that decision.

I wish you well, my dear ... And be careful next time with who you are with ... And anyway, what happened to that guy that raped you? Have you done something about this, dear?

You need to report him for rape & if you can't bring yourself to do that because it's too painful then get a restraining order. He's threatening you... & I'm scared of what he might do.

~Mystic

Dear Sammi

I'm sorry for ur troubles...

what he did was wrong...

I am actually knew to this site...

but i wanted to let u know that i feel for u...

I've been in the same position...

but i was 12...either way

no matter the age...

I'm sorry that like alot of us..

u had to go through what we did!

-Caitlin-

first off, wow. i'm soo sorry that you had to go through that. especially by a friend. i actually went through a similar situation, without getting pregnant, and it really sucked. it was also by someone i knew and trusted and had had sex with before. i know what that does to you, and i'm so sorry you have to go through it. on the abortion, even though i'm against abortion, i'm not going to try to change your mind, because i would do the same thing in your position. it's enough having that memory in the back of your mind for what happened, let alone to have to carry the product of your rape inside of you for 9 months, and give birth and all of that when you didn't do anything to create this product. i hope you can tell someone who this person is and what they've done to you and get revenge because you deserve it. no one deserves to go through that pain and have someone completely violate them like that. especially in their own house, own bed. again, i'm sorry. i wish you the best of luck and hope that you can overcome your extremely terrible situation.

Best wishes and love,
me

So you are going to kill this child, who is as much of a victim as you are, just so that you won't be reminded of the terrible thing that is already burned into your mind. Will this really make all of pain go away? I have known some women who were raped and got pregnant and got strength from the child. They knew that their baby was a victim too and they loved that child through the hurt. Some women have even viewed their babies as something so beautiful out of such a great tragedy.

I wish that more women could see it that way.

Spiritsfire

i UNDERSTAND WHERE YOU'RE AT RIGHT NOW AND HOW YOU FEEL AND YOU'RE GOING TO DO IT ANYWAY BUT I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT IT ISNT THE CHILDS FAULT HOW THEY GOT CONCEIVED I THINK ITS LIKE SUICIDE IN THAT ITS A SELFISH WAY OUT OF A BAD SITUATION I BELIEVE THAT IF YOU DID KEEP THE SHILD WHEN YOU SAW HIM OR HER YOU WOULD LOVE THAT CHILD NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU.... IM SORRY IF I SOUND LIKE IM TELLING YOU WHAT TO DO I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW THAT ITS NOT ALL BAD

I JUST WONDER WHAT YOU WOULD HAVE DONE IF YOU HAD GOTTEN PREGNANT ONE OF THE TIMES YOU WANTED TO HAVE SEX WITH THE a**h*** GUY

IM NOT TRYING TO CHANGE YOU'RE MIND AND ITS YOU'RE BODY YOU CAN DO WITH IT WHAT YOU WANT I JUST FEEL SAD FOR THE UNBORN CHILD.... THERE ARE PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD WHO CANT GET PREGNANT AND THEN THERE ARE PEOPLE WILLING TO THROW AWAY A GIFT...

I DO SOUND VERY RUDE RIGHT NOW AND I'M VERY SORRY... NUT I WAS ALMOST ABORTED AND i THANK GOD FOR LETTING ME LIVE.

So if you have this baby then mike will have to have a chance to see the baby too. ( but if you tell the police you can have that baby and know it will be safe. but then the baby get into stuff when he or she gets older.) So when he or she gets older then he or she might some how find out stuff or you might tell him or her. OK so I have to get to the point. If you have the baby your putting his or her life in danger. Because if you call the police then someday they will let mike go. mike gets mad and trys to hurt your kid.So I say don't have this baby. If you do your putting the kid life in danger.

good luck with everything

you are right in your choice... you should never bring a child through a rape, that child would be a reminder of a horrible thing and no child should have that guilt on them.

[humdinger]

thanks for the comment.

and yes. please stay strong.

Lovess

Hellarockstar.

yeah being raped sucks. im not saying i dont know how you feel because, girl, i really do. i was raped twice BY MY OWN COUSIN. i have to see him all the f*cking time. at least you could tell on this guy without feeling like an ass. i cant tell anyone because he's related to me.

its disgusting

You're very welcome.  You most definitely will live, time heals all wounds.  Even if it takes a while.  **Hugs**

<3

Wow, thanks for commenting one of my poems.

I wish I knew what to say to this whole situation, but I don't. I feel bad, but I'm sure you aren't really in the position where you want to hear, I'm sorry honey, feel better. Because if i were you, I'd be pissed, I'd want answers, and I'd want to know what to do with my life. So I'm sure you probably feel the same. I understand wanting an abortion, you are young for a kid, and why would you want some guys baby if he raped you. Now sweety, if you could even put it up for adoption, that could be a better option. Not telling you what to do, because I have not been in your shoes, and I don't know how I would react. Things will get better, and You just have to stay as positive as possible in a situation like this. Sure I'm only 14, so you may be thinking like, wtf does this girl know, but I just want to give you words of encouragment. (sp)  God be with. Feel better, stay positive, and do not let this stop you from, college, or school, or any other dreams you may have. It's hard. But I have faith in you, I'm sure things will look up some day, just give it time. 

Ras, I personally, really really personally know where you are coming from.  Whew this diary thing is really soul clensing. Let me tell you a brief story.  Back in 1979 when I was due to be married again I had one son already he was 4 years old at the time.  And I was a working my ass off single mom. Working as a waitress making $1.06 an hour plus tips!! And I was a photographer for Musicians that paid pretty good.  I was pregrent and we were gonna get married about 2 months before the baby was born so the baby had his name the right way.  Well one afternoon we had a fight and he stormed out.  A new girl friend of mine had come over and had never met the father of my baby bump.  So we were looking at the photo ablum.  And like my other storys I got this feeling when she pointed at his photo and she asked Who is this?  I told her it was the babys father, but I didn't think I would ever see him again!!  20 minutes later his mother called me he had been in a awful car accident and the car flipped 7 times and he broke his neck instantly.  I broke down.  What was I gonna do???  23 years old I wasn't gonna be able to do one job let alone 2 and take care of a newborn and a 4 year old.  How was I gonna cope???  I had to make a choice.  When the baby was born I let his parents apopt her because I already had a child and that was hard enough for me I couldn't put another child throught that, it wasn't fair to her.  She was the first girl born out of 7 generations of boys they were gonna treat her like a queen and take really good care of her, way better than I could.  I have never lied to my son.  The day I came home from the hospital he asked where the baby was and I told him she went to live with her daddys mommy and he said that's ok so long as I was home with him.  I keep writing to the agency everytime and the family everytime I move with a new address and number and have left it up to them if they tell her but now my son wants to met her.  I'm not to sure that would be good.

One the other hand several years later I got pregrent again and chose abortion and had my tubes tied at the same time.  I felt that God had given me enough to handle with my one son and I already a daughter out there I didn't have a relationship with that rips my heart apart.

It's easy for people that don't don't have to make that choice, to say do something else, but they aren't the one that has to have the burden of being a single parent and trying to take care of that child alone. 

Make an informed choice. Look at your future and what you want and not what other people want you to do or expect you to do. Do what is best for you and the possible life of that child.  It's hard f***ing hard.  I have 2 degrees, 8 years in school and I am now disabled and I went for a job for disabled people today folding boxes and because of the injuries in my arm from the stabing I can't even get a job the give mentaly handicapped people, and I can spell and use a computer and a toilet. But because I couldn't fold 28 boxes in 2 minutes and only did 26 they "Didn't want to Set me up for Failuar" 

I wanted to come home and just give up.  But I remembered my dad's words in my head and you need them right now 

Winner Never Quit .... And Quitter Never Win......

By the way thanks for reading my diary pages and saying the nice things.

Try not to cry tomorrow, you are a strong beautiful woman and we rule. We are stronger than men.  You can make it... I did.  Know that your Spirit Guide is with you always and all your family that has passed over is there holding you and loving you they know you are doing what is right for you and your future.  BE STRONG GIRL!!!!!

Have a Great, Catherine:)

Please check out other options while you are at the planned place.  You can always talk to your college advisor delay admission for a semester.  have the child, give it up, and be back at school.  I know there are some programs where they will pay for all the prenatal stuff.  I can't force anything on you and I am not going to pull the guilt trip out.  However, please look and consider all the options because there are other options out there.  I understand you're scared. My sister went through it too; she did it the hard way. But, now I have a neice smewhere in New York (she gave it up). 

you will live.

Good grief Sammi.  That's pretty scary.  You need to go to a family planning clinic and get checked out to make certain if you are pregnant.  I am pro-choice if there is a good reason, and I would say being pregnant by a rapist is a good reason.  But I seriously suggest you get some counselling chicken, you need someone to help you out with the all the mental stuff you will inevitably go through. 

Its winter here where I am (in South Africa), blah!  I much prefer Summer!

Please take care of yourself girly!

i can't imagine how you must feel right now.

but honestly, i think you would regret an abortion.

http://www.mttu.com/abort-pics/
^^i think you need to see this, and know what you're actually doing to this precious gift of life.